There are so many things I could share about this trip thus far, but the thing most heavily on my heart is a topic not easily discussed yet has been mentioned in the bible since Genesis– shame. “And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.” Genesis 2:25 ESV. When I read this I wonder, “why shame?” God could have said that they knew no sickness or fear or anything really, but He specifically said shame. This leads me to believe that shame is the one thing that we were never created to know, yet shame is something we’ve all experienced.
So, if we were created to not know shame, why do we? What leads to shame is sin. When Adam and Eve disobeyed God, shame had come upon them, and they hid themselves from God (Gen 3:6-10). In the same way, when we mess up, we feel shameful, and then try to hide that very thing from God and others, and at times hide ourselves from God too. The enemy’s goal is to put shame on us, so we hide from God because keeping it in darkness gives Satan the power while bringing it to light gives God the power over that thing.
During an activation, a staff member shared a little about this subject. She stated, “You shouldn’t feel shame about confessing your sins because that sin isn’t even you.” This was a truth I wholeheartedly wanted to believe, but I just couldn’t. I had so much shame in my heart over sins that I’d never spoken aloud, and I knew the only way to rid myself of the sin was to confess(James 5:16), but anyone who’s ever sinned would know that’s easier said then done. Over the next two days the feeling that I needed to tell someone grew more and more and along with it, my shame. Seeing the struggle I was having within, my team leader pulled me aside and asked about it. Giving the vaguest response I could muster up, I admitted to needing to confess something in order to be free.
It wasn’t easy. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and it was all completely worth it. I now stand in this space of forgiveness and security, completely free of the burden of sin and shame. If while reading this you felt a situation or sin come up on your heart, I strongly encourage you to confess it out loud to someone. You are not your sin, you are not your mistakes, and you are not the things that you’ve faced. You are a child of God, a royal priest. Speaking it is difficult, but it is also the best thing you can do for yourself.