During training camp, we did this thing called listening prayer. Pretty much all you do is ask God a question, quiet your mind, and listen to what God has to say. Quieting my mind is the hard part. I’m always thinking about something – rather, stressing about something. Even at school, I walk through the halls staring at my feet, worrying about something or someone. Philippians 4:6 pops in my head often. It says, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God…” But how can I trust that God is going to take care of everything?
During listening prayer, we were challenged to ask God, “For what reason do you have me going on this trip?” Among other things, I saw water. I was thinking, “Water God? Really? What does water have to do anything?” Well, maybe it has to do with everything.
Water has come up so many times this trip already, and not just the fact that we hadn’t had much of it in our house last week. The song Oceans, by Hillsong United, has always been one of my favorites. It was one of the first songs I learned to play on the piano and it has always had a special place in my heart. It has come on by chance multiple times and I’ve played it many times this trip. This week, during a worship session with my team, it played, and I just really meditated on the words. I wanted God to reveal something to me that I was supposed to understand.
“Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders, let me walk upon the waters, wherever you will call me. Take me deeper then my feet could ever wander and my faith will be made stronger, in the presence of my Savior…”
God has really been at work in me, though. He has been breaking down the barriers that have kept me from trusting Him in any and every situation, and I have been leaning on Him a lot more lately. He has also been helping me see the good in all the negative. Living with my grandma for the past seventeen months has taught me patience and has made me respect and look up to my mom so much more because of everything she does for my grandma without complaining. I didn’t know why He didn’t allow me to go to Uganda with my school when I felt called to Africa, but now here I am in Swaziland, right where I am supposed to be. I struggled figuring out why He took away relationships, but those people have still impacted my life in numerous ways and have made made me a better me.
Although trusting God is not easy for me, I know that learning to trust him is one of the reasons He brought me to Swaziland. He knew that alone I couldn’t give up control, so He decided to bring me thousands of miles away from home. When I applied for the trip I knew I was getting in and I trusted God to provide the means for me to go… He did. I trusted that He had a greater reason for me being on this trip… He did. Learning to trust Him more is that reason. So, I will no longer be the girl staring at her feet in the halls stressing about the future. I’ll hold my head high, knowing that God is in control and He has a perfect plan for my life.
